The 2007 Cabaret

I know that Gram and Richard are the only two who read my blog, but I'm going to write this anyway.

I went to see the Gorham High School Cabaret tonight, and I have to say I was quite suprised. First of all, I expected the songs to be a little different than what they were, but they were still okay. The singing was a lot better than I thought it was going to be, BUT the actual performace wasn't really that great. With the exception of 5 people, the performers didn't look like they were having fun. They didn't make me want to watch them. They looked bored, scared, or constipated.

Now on the other hand, these certain 5 performers were outstanding. I could watch and listen to these 5 performers all day. They looked like they were enjoying themselves, and like they knew what they were doing.

Granted, some of the other performers had amazing voices, but they weren't making me feel the music. I was a little disappointed this year in the overall Cabaret, but delighted in the amount of young talent we have in our community. Some of whom, I did not expect to be so out going.

If you haven't seen the show yet, go see it. There are two tomorrow (Thursday April 19th at 4:45 and 7:00) at the Gorham High School, and on Encore performance on May 2nd at St. Kieran's in Berlin.

So kudos to John B, Chris B, Sarah B, Breally B, and Brittany C for an outstanding performance in the 2007 Cabaret! Keep up the enthusiasm...you're all very talented!

The Optimistic Pessimist

A lot has happened since my last post; good and bad. We finished the play, our director had a heart attack and is now in a medicine induced coma to help him heal after his quadruple bypass surgery, I got my license, I am making a lateral move at the child care center I work at, my boyfriend and I have considered moving in together (although the details have not been sorted out, and it probably won't happen for a while...it's most likely going to happen), and I am going on vacation to see my family in Kokomo, Indiana; a few of whom I've never met, but are old enough to know that there's something odd in that.

And so I sit here, staring at the snow (which felt the need to come down at the end of April, but decided not to come down on christmas...so much for dreaming of a white one), and I think about how lucky I am to have what I do.
I live in a great country, where, even with it's quirks, I am free to do and say what any reasonable person would feel the need to.
I have a wonderful relationship with a man who loves and respects me, and treats me much better than I could ever have hoped to be treated.
I have a decent job, and although it's not well paid, I have toddlers who absolutely adore me, and even though they are brutally honest at times, I take what they say more seriously than most adults. Even though they are not going to remember anything they do now, they don't know how to lie or disrespect people. They are living for the moment, so to speak, and all is good. I hope they grow up to be how they are right now when it comes to that aspect of things. Real people. I love them for it.

And yet, with all that is going right in my life, I am like many others in the world who focus on the negatives. I think of things that I wish were different, and still do nothing to fix it. I think of how much I would love to spend more time with the people I hold dear to me, but still I say that I will call them tomorrow, or that they are too busy for a moment of my time. But do I call to even say hello? No. That's something I could easily change.
I think of how I don't get any respect from people I work with, but I continue to let them walk all over me and I don't say anything about it to them. Again, something that I could easily change.

So why is it that we humans do this? Because we are pessimists. It's in most peoples nature to look on the darker side of the equation, rather than search for the lighter side of the things in our lives. I admire the optimists. Hats off to you; you've over come an obstacle which most don't even realize is something hindering their growth. Keep it going.

From now on, I'm going to try my best to be a REALISTIC optimist...afterall....there is a limit...
:-D

Until then,

Signing off.

Scrambled

Another bad poem...but I really like the first part...

When all you are just falls apart
Pick up the pieces of your broken heart
And I
Just cry...
Just let me slip away
I just want to stay the way
We are
Right now.
I know that this is sounding strange
And I know things are bound to change
For better or worse,
It happens.
Regardless of what I am hoping for
I have to pick myself up off the floor
And move forward
Either way.
Afraid of change for no reason
Passing of two seasons
And nothing bad
Has happened.
Still I walk on eggshells all the time
Trying to make sure that you stay mine
Even though you love me
The way I am.
Im afraid of you, though
You've given me no reason to be;
I guess I'm just afraid of me
And screwing this up
I love you so much.
Mixed up and scrambled
I don't take change well
I want to be with you forever
The way we are now...

Really Sucky Poem

Here's a wicked sucky poem I wrote today....very little sleep, hopped up on cold meds, and very ill. Not to mention WICKED writers block...but I haven't posted in a while...so this will have to do. I think I am going to call it "There's Nothing Else..."

There's nothing else I'd rather do
Than be right here with you
And watch the sun fade 'til tomorrow
Watch the stars light up the skies
And love dancing in your eyes
The world just fades away
There's nothing that we have to say
We'll just lay right here forever
Spend the best moments together
I wake up to your gentle kiss
There's nothing else like this
I'm so in love with you
There's nothing else I'd rather do
Than be right here with you.


I love James Ryan Boucher!

You make me sick

I am tired of sitting here silently as children I know are being hurt, continue to be hurt and no one does anything about it. WHAT ARE THE AUTHORITIES WAITING FOR?!!! SOMEONE TO DIE?! Fuck that...if I see it again...I'll find a way to take care of it myself. This is not a threat, I will not inflict harm on anyone, but it's a promise that something will be done before it's too late.

Why are they basically helping him do this? "Well's they're better off with him than with the mother." THEY'RE BETTER OFF WITH ANYONE ELSE THAN WITH HIM! STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOBS! I am so tired of this world and how people facilitate the evil, and hinder the good because it's easier to do nothing and let it happen than to fight for those who can't.

These people who are supposed to be heroes to those in a small town are nothing more than lazy cowards who choose to look the other way and make excuses later. It sickens me.

~*Love*~

Haven't had time to really think clearly to continue working on my ignorance and bliss piece...it will come. Eventually...

and now...for the best part....

I

am

in

love

and

loving

it!

That's all I wanted to say...

:-D

On Ignorance and Bliss...

Still working on it...this is all I have so far but I am way too tired to think right now...but I haven't posted in a while... so here is the start....comment if you want, but it's only going to get more developed...so you might want to wait. lol. Loves!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whether you're muslim or christian, black or white, gay or straight: extremists of any kind are dangerous. You shouldn't be stereotyping people if that's what you're trying to avoid and diminish. You don't want to be too much of anything because then you're basically brainwashed and narrowminded. So just because a couple of people are doing one thing, doesn't mean that should change your opinion of the whole group of people. Individuals are exactly that, individual, and should be treated as such. That should be the end of the story.

Pouring Out Like Pain

Standing in the doorway, tears streaming from her tired, swollen eyes, she wondered why she was so upset. They had talked about everything that was said that night, and she was okay, but even still, the tears poured from her soul. She couldn't stop them. She had said everything, well, almost everything she had wanted to say, and she just wanted to tell him flat out. But the words were not there. Why was it so hard to tell him about what had happened? It was years ago, and she doesn't let her affect her today...at least not noticably. It probably could have attributed to her (near) failing grades in high school and her first semester of college, to her lack of any meaningful relationships with anyone her own age, and her total unadulterated hatred for people like him...but she was not letting it rule her life. At least not emotinally. So why couldn't she tell him? Why couldn't she tell anyone? It wasn't her fault, and she knew it. But the fact that she didn't hate him for doing it to her made her feel dirty and like she doesn't feel as badly as she should. But who was to tell her how she should feel? Still, she didn't want people to ridicule her, judge her, or pity her. And she didn't want people, regardless of the dirty, tasteless, horribly wrong thing he did to her, to judge him or think of him any differently. She doesn't even know if he remembers what he did to her.

But why can't she tell him what he did to her all those years ago? Because she's afraid to lose him. She's afraid he'll pity her and wonder who did that horrible thing to the woman he loves. She will never tell anyone who hurt her like that, but one day...maybe one day...she can say what was done. Every opportunity she had to say it, something got in the way. And the one time she really needed to talk about it, the last opportunity she felt was there and okay to talk about it, her last week of high school, she got screwed over. She went to talk to her good friend, her guidance counselor, and because she was a senior, the subsitute secretary didn't see it necessary for a senior to see the guidance counselor anymore.

So she sits in silence, wanting to talk about it, wanting to say it, but not wanting anyone to ask her any other questions, just someone to listen and tell her everything will be okay.

~~~~~~

I wish I could just say it...I just can't...I want help...

Currents

I had a blog that I liked...but I felt the need to switch. I know Richard is probably the only one who will read this. I love him for that.

Currents:

• Dating the most wonderful man in the world. I am in love. He's beautiful. I can't even put my feelings into words. I didn't think I would ever feel that way again after Danny died...but I do. It's even stronger for James. I don't know what I would do without him.
• I got the lead in the play "The Family Man" that the local community theatre group is putting on. I dropped directing the improv group so I could focus more on myself, which I have not done in a LONG time.
• I have awesome friends. Enough said. They're just great.
• I am looking for a new job that I am not treated like shit at. I am not a door-mat, nor will I be treated like one ever again. I am worth something and I will be treated as such.
  
• I have confidence in myself. I can do whatever I want, if I just believe.
  

So that's it for now. I love life...regardless of shit that goes wrong.